39 weeks + 1 day

I love this video. Jay made it with his new camera last week. It feels like love.

In other news, I am still pregnant. I know all women think they'll give birth on the early side, but I really really REALLY thought I wouldn't go past 39 weeks. But here we are. I gave in to curiosity the other day at the doctor's office - I've been having contractions and wondered if they were doing any good. So turns out I'm 3cm dilated. Which sounds like a lot but I could walk around like this for THREE WEEKS. Or more. Chances are fairly good that I won't go too much longer, but when our midwife told me today that she's pretty sure I won't go more than two more weeks (which would be one week overdue) I practically begged her to make it sooner. Like she's a magician or something. That's how desperate I feel.

It's just really difficult for me to sit around. I feel like a caged animal. The last year was so intense with work work work and now that I have no work whatsoever it's very difficult to feel like a contributing member of this household. I want to get to the mothering part so I can feel productive and, well, meaningful. Yes, it's nice to go to the pool and work on a quilt and take two hour naps every day. But let's just say that I could never be happy as a housewife. If I weren't so distracted and unable to focus I could have done the research for my first dissertation chapter by now. Instead I sit and sleep and think about cake. And sometimes I go to Target.

Everything is ready to go, though. We have all our home birth supplies, the hospital bag is packed (just in case) and Jay is setting up the tub tomorrow to make sure it fits. He's also going to make sure the hose works to fill the tub from the downstairs bathroom. The boy's room is all set up, the co-sleeper is assembled, the diapers have been delivered...

And here's some great news: our OB has agreed to deliver the baby if I go to the hospital. Originally, she declined to deliver once she found out that we're having a planned home birth. Almost all docs in the area say the same thing: because of malpractice insurance issues, they don't want to "clean up" after a botched home birth. This is not only ignorant (in twenty years our midwife has only had two emergency situations that might have looked to a cynical doc like a "botched" birth) but it is also negligent of the woman's and baby's health and welfare. Just because you know I want to birth at home you're going to deny me care if I change my mind, or become exhausted, or if the midwife DOES HER JOB WELL and recognizes (as they do about 15 percent of the time) that the woman and/or baby would be better served by a hospital environment? Um, ok.

End of rant.

Our doc has, for whatever reason (she likes us, or we've been easy patients, or things are just so low-risk, or whatever) decided that she will - barring a terrible emergency - deliver our baby if we go to the hospital. It's still sort of topsy turvy if you ask me (wouldn't I want your care most in the event of an emergency?) it's so rare to have an emergent situation in a hospital transfer that I'm just glad she's made herself available. We know she'll follow our birth plan and acknowledge our preferences, and she's a natural birth advocate. All feels well. Much better than going to the hospital to see whoever happens to be there and risking being treated like a lab rat.

Anyway, here are pictures of me, taken yesterday. My sleep is all messed up again, so I look pretty tired. But look at that baby!