On Being an Idle Parent

I came across this manifesto years ago, before we had any kids. I felt like it expressed the sort of parent I wanted to become, so I printed it out with the intention of saving it for parenthood, then promptly lost it and forgot about it completely until something jogged my memory yesterday.

It was written by a Brit named Tom Hodgkinson, as part of his book, The Idle Parent: Why Laid-Back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids. The book has very mixed reviews - some say it freed them from status quo parenting, some say it feels pedantic, some say it's too prescriptive. I haven't actually read it (see the previous post about not reading parenting books), but I still really like the opening manifesto that I found online years ago. Parenting a three-year-old is proving to be a tricky proposition with what feels like far too many statements that involve "don't," and "no," and "time out." Keeping some of these tenets in mind might help us feel a bit less frustrated, a bit freer, for the right reasons. Here it is:

The Idle Parent Manifesto

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work.

We pledge to leave our children alone.

We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children’s lives from the moment they are born.

We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals.

We drink alcohol without guilt.

We reject the inner Puritan.

We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays.

An idle parent is a thrifty parent.

We lie in bed for as long as possible.

We try not to interfere.

We play in the field and forests.

We push them into the garden and shut the door so we can clean the house.

We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small.

Time is more important than money.

Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness.

Down with school.

We fill the house with music and merriment.

We reject health and safety guidelines.

We embrace responsibility.

There are many paths.

So the next time I feel like saying no, I'm going to try to think about why I'm saying no. This isn't about becoming more lax, allowing myself to be walked over. It's about having a frame of limits, of certain broad-stroke rules, and allowing more freedom within that frame. It's about keeping our kids safe without turning off their experimental drive, and about making sure we enjoy our lives as parents as much as possible with good drink, good music, and less stress about whether we're doing a "good job" as parents. Building relationships with our kids, instead of seeing them as little work projects. Keeping life in mind. What do you think?